You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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