i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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