This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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