Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
