i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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