He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
