On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
