8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
