I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
