i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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