and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
