apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
