put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I would ride that face into the sunset
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
