Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
