I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
