I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
