Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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