I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
