know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
