we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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