its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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