Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
