You can't motorboat a personality
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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