I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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