pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
