Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
