I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
