you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
