remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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