is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
