Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
