yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
