You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
