Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
