The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
