We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
