I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
