oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
