she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
