just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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