I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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