dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
