it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
