I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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