And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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