She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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