honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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