just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
