I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
