Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
