i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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