Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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