I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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