Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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