I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
