she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
