I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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