i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I checked into jail on foursquare
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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