some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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