Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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