similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
