I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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