Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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