I like to think it a success when the cops are called
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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