Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Where did you get a picture of my penis
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Come on in and take your pants off
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