Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
