This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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