I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
