umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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