EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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