I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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