It's just like the Real World with babies
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
