dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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