nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
