Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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